I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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