k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
