I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
