i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
