I'm going to jail i love you
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize