he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
