My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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