I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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