puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
