I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
