eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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