dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
