Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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