He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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