i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
