What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
