I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
