Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
