Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
