remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
