I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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