I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
