So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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