Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I stole a fireplace last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
