My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
