The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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