The maid of honor just puked.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
