lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
