the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize