did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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