Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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