ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Someone shattered a urinal.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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