I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
