I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
