from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
