Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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