you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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