I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
