I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize