He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize