woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
