I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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