please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
