I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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