THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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