I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
