She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
