Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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