Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
