Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
