I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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