Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
