What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
