i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
