I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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