And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
