I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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