thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
