tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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