My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
