dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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