The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
