party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
