Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
