when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize