Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
