is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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