I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
