If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize