booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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