She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
COCAINE IS GR8
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