Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
