When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
