So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
