last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
