Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
