thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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