I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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