If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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