So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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