I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
