Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize