I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
