I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
