And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
