maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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