Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
