who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
