haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
