Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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