I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
