Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
