I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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