I'm lost and stupid without you.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
